New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
