There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
