fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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