On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm going to jail i love you
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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