Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
