i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
