Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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