It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
