She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
