My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
