WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
BRING THE BAGELS
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
