Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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