I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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