so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
