The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
