dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
