So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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