I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
