he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
