She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
