the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
