Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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