When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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