if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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