so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
