My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
