3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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