He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
