Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
