The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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