so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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