no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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