I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
