Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
