I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
