she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
