If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
