Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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