and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
