got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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