just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You are the jesus of drinking
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
