Where is the hickey?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
