The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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