i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
