dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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