i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
