Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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