I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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