Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize