No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
