Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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