Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
