Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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