I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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