This is not my ceiling
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
