So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
