in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
