sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
