it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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