whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
