the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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