she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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