Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
