I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
there is glitter all over my balls
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
